I’ve failed miserably at the daily and even weekly posting. I’ve failed miserably at my weight-loss. I’ve failed even more miserably at putting myself first, even occasionally and my dog suddenly looks hilariously funny.
Let’s cover the first sentence, I’m pretty sure it speaks for itself. I haven’t posted in months it seems like something always comes up. My step grandmother died less than a week ago. My mother who lives with us broke her hand, the three middle metacarpals to be exact, a month ago. This could have definitely been an easier situation under different circumstances such as; a sense of responsibility, saving some money for her insurance payments, prioritizing, having an overall sense of maturity. Don’t get me wrong I love my mother but she is definitely a handful and that’s putting it mildly. She has always put wants before needs. She has been out of work for the last month and cannot qualify for disability. She has put nothing up in her savings account for a rainy day. As an adult my priority would be to make sure I did not spend the money that I did have and need to make my insurance payments stay current. Not her, on Friday I asked her how much money she still had left to put towards her insurance and she told me $50. She then has me ask Jaime for $50 last night so she can get completely caught up with the payments. I ran her to the bank today to deposit the $50 from Jaime. When I got home I look at her bank receipt and there was only $72 in the bank. I mean seriously WTH! I don’t work except to tutor a gentleman in his courses, which is supposed to be my spending money. It’s not though because she always needs to borrow something. I have my three kids and I would love to be just the mother of them, not them, my mother, and my brother. And the constant calling of my name drives me completely up a wall and around the bend.
I actually weigh 168 now which is even more than where I started. My blood pressure is outrageously high on a regular basis. Yes, I’ve been put on medication, yeah me! I’m sick too. I spent all of Friday in the doctors office because I had to get a prednisone shot in my butt and breathing treatments. So I’m on medications for that too and have to go back to the doctor in two weeks. Alexys is also sick and having to use her inhaler also, just like me. I had to rush to the high school today because her head was killing her because of a head cold. Plus Vonni just got over viral pink eye, which meant the drops didn’t work, their for bacterial pink eye, he got to spend six school free days at home with grandma, uncle Tony, and myself. While on my meds I can’t take my migraine meds so that’s fun too. Now that’s exactly where I’m standing health-wise.
Finally but definitely not least, the only time I dedicate to myself during the day is when I’m sleep or in bed sick. There’s drama practice, soccer practice, games, performances, and my childish aunt (my mother’s sister) who may not be childish but is definitely selfish that wants the family to come to her church class graduation just so she can say “look my family adores me!” But we don’t at all. She has yet to go to a single event for my children or even to call and wish them luck. There’s also my junior daughter who has all kinds of college prep stuff going on and has just received her invitation to the National Honor Society. I almost forgot about my step aunt’s guilt. Shes being overwhelmed by guilt about not being there for her mother while she was going through cancer and is now trying to reach out and make amends with my mother and myself. It wouldn’t be as bad if she didn’t keep trying to make these amends at 3 or 4 in the morning. I also didn’t know that amends were needed. We’ve had a really good relationship since she lived with me and my mom when she was 16 and couldn’t get along with her mom. That was probably about 15 to 17 years ago. I’m so glad it’s Thursday and this week is almost over. The amount of things that I need to do next week will literally be divided in half. You have no idea how excited I’ll be. Now I’ve got to go take my blood pressure, start dinner, and charge the camcorder for tonight’s WWII Living Museum performance for Lexy’s performance. It’s another busy night got things to do.
I think I must of a had whole lot of things that I needed to get of my mind. I feel a little lighter now.